Is Time To Give Up?

i am so tired...
yesterday sleepless...
i sleep at five o clock...
talking phone with one good person...
he always accompany me when i am sad...
he told me a lots what he know...
he share his experience with me...
although my stubborn made him mad sometime...
he still accompany me...
i ask him should i give up...
i ask him what should i do...
i ask him am i very silly...
i ask him must i do like that...
i ask him many many question...
and even told him a lot of my story...
he said i shouldnt treat him that good...
he said i mustnt keep finding him...
he said i must wait for him to find me...
i know his opinion is good for me...
he always try his best to solve my problems...
but i am doubt about myself...
can i really do like that...
i think mostly i cant...
i am really really love him...
i dont want he leave me...
i dont want my life without him...
can he really feel what i want?
i will wait for him...
i will no give up...
i will love him...
FOREVER...

Its How Many Time Get Hurt?

why you still cant truely know what i think...
and still want argue with me...
we have been together for 7 months...
not a short time...
you cant feel that i am jealous?
i just dont want you call her...
i dont want you treat her no matter how you feel uncomfortable with her word yesterday...
do you know you got how long never call me?
do you know you have neglected me for how long time?
i have been try my best to suit myself with your busy life...
why your first call so far is to her...
have you think how my feeling?
maybe you call someone not close with me i dont mind that much...
but you call her...
she is my best friend...
i mind you become closer with my best friend...
if i am there i really ok...
but i told you i dont want go out today already...
why you still want call her and ask her out?
is it if she said ok then you will go out alone with her?
luckily she didnt say ok...
if not...
i cant imaging how hurt my heart will be...
i understand what kind of person you are...
but did you know what kind of person i am?
why you must take that serious with her simply said word?
last time you said you want treat her...
i accept that reason and i treat...
but today's poor reason is really unacceptable...
she just simply said want ask you treat...
then you want to call her and go out eat with her alone?
have you ever think about my feeling if you really go out with her alone?
today is our 7 months anniversary...
why we must argue at today...
and yet is because of my best friend...
please try to understand how i feel...
not that easy going with just telling me what you going to do, doing and did...
i hate heart broken feel...
i hate keep crying because of you...
i hate everytime we argue then i have to cry alone...
i thought we can together happily...
we already have less time to contact...
how come still got time to argue...
please dont always is me who tolerate...
do you know the more i tolerate...
the more i get hurt...
i love you very very much...
so i always did my best to keep our relationship on...
have you try your best?
i hope someday you are...

Refresh My Memories~

it just five days ago...
but this five days...
i keep thinking about him and our date...
so sweet and happy...
14 december 2009...
you didnt go to work...
but come to find me...
bring me to KFC...
so happy can have lunch together...
with you...
after lunch...
we went shopping and for movie...
can holding your hand walk around for window shopping...
feel sweet and happy...
can let you hug when watch something...
feel warm and surprise...
3.45pm reach...
we move to cinema...
for our storm rider II...
we sit at the couple sit...
watch movie together...
really really touching...
we have been so busy recently...
long time no spend time for a movie together...
i apprecaite the time at cinema...
sit just beside you...
holding your hand...
hugging each other...
is 5.45pm...
the movie end...
i follow him go back his house...
i accompany him whole night at his place...
we talk many things...
long time didnt chatting...
he is quite busy lately...
i miss a close talk time with him...
and glad i have it today...
is 11.15pm...
he send me back home...
he drive very slowly...
maybe we both also not willing to separate soon...
finally reach my home...
he said is late and danger...
keep saying want to send me back until my house...
really touching for his caring...
we end up our date with a hug and goodbye kiss...
i walk back to my house...
he walk back toward his car...
i am really really happy for that day date...
thanks dear...
i wish for another swwet date...

Feel Disappointed~

i have been very busy recently...
no time spent at here...
i had been gone his house since wednesday...
i stay there until just now only i come back...
i am really happy he said he want to fetch me that day...
i also spend an enjoyable days with him...
suppose i come back yesterday to hostel...
we are in the way to penang bridge...
suddenly he ask me want to go back or not...
because he plan to send me back at friday at first...
then i ask really?
then we go to have our supper together...
at there he said he saw his ex-girlfriend in front after she has leave...
he never told me when she is still there...
i never have chance to see her once...
and then i ask him a lots question about him and her...
i feel much more unhappy when he told me more about their thing...
then morning he yet sms to her...
don't know why i feel so uneasy...
then today he back from work...
he look so tired and he concentrate play game...
less talk with me...
even just now ate supper together...
he no talk much with me also...
finally i reach my hostel...
before he leave...
he no leave me a good bye kiss...
i miss him for one week can't see him...
he yet don't want give me...
i am really really disappointed...
why he never know what i want...
am i very hard to understand?
maybe...
but i always keep my feeling inside my heart...
will never let him know...
i don't want bother him and influence our relationship...
he also don't know actually i mind he sms that much with other girls...
i know i make him boring for this exam season...
he don't let me sms him...
then he find other girls sms...
i feel more disappointed is...
a girl from sarawak called him hubby...
he never ignore...
although he got tell me...
just when i wanna start to tell him i mind...
he then feel a bit angry...
said i really shouldn't like that...
he always stress she is from sarawak...
impossible for them...
i not scare they together or what...
i just very very mind other girl call my darling hubby...
if simply a girl also can call him hubby...
then who am i?
i always trust him he love me...
just sometime he never think about my feeling...
i never said no when he sms with other girls...
just want that he not too over...
he know more and more girls continuously...
everyday sms with them...
and never sms with me...
he said he want let me concentrate study and he really boring if no sms with people...
he told me before he will never find them after my exam...
but today he said will still reply him...
i am more and more disappointed with him...
when our relationship become more and more stable...
i miss the day we just together...
he really really really nice and sweet with me...
never do anything will make me sad...
i don't know how hurt will me after we have together for long long time...
since now just half year...
but i will still stay by his side...
as long as he still love me...
i won't leave him...

I was crying last two days...

that day you told me you will come penang day after that day...
i ask you to find me...
i want to see you...
although just one or two hours...
you said dont want...
coz i got exam...
need to prepare and study hard...
then i keep asking again...
you angry me...
you said why i never listen what you said...
i knew i speak wrong word...
i didnt mean really want to go out...
just if you said dont want...
then just dont want...
i just simply say say and ask ask...
you really really angry that time...
you said why i so dont know think...
exam time still think wanna go out...
he even said...
if i really want to go out with him...
is ok fine...
but it will be our last date...
i so sad to hear that...
i keep explain to him what i am thinking...
but he still keep scolding me...
he said he really want me to good...
i keep saying i knew...
got few time he close my phone...
then i call again...
he said...
if we together for so unhappy...
better break up...
i drop my tear...
i feel that i was crying...
he become more angry...
and close my phone...
then i make better my emotion...
i call again...
i tell him i no crying...
i lie him in fact...
then we talk a while...
emotion become slow down...
he start to said sorry with me...
and i stop crying...
he always that care about my thing...
overly care...
he said he care my thing more than his thing...
only will like that...
yes i know...
i no blame him...
also no angry...
i ask him is it really wanna break up with me just now...
he said it just angry word...
he never think wanna break up with me...
i am glad we are ok at the end...
we talk until midnight...
end up happily...

Stressful but sweet sweet day~

yesterday study till 2.30am...
have to sleep early for tomorrow exam...
now only spend time with my blog...
well...
yesterday was really a very very stressful day for me...
keep ready and ready...
want to memorize but cant...
i study from morning till 6 o clock something...
cant hold on any more...
i call him...
i tolld him i was so suffered...
he look very nervous...
he ask me go to sleep first...
later only study...
i am glad he so care about me...
i listen what he said...
after wake up...
i continue study...
it make me better to study...
my heart got one feeling at that moment...
really really thank him...
after wake up not long...
he call me...
ask me go to eat first...
i said i will...
he so nervous...
scare i eat late will gastric...
but i keep on study...
after a moment...
he call again...
ask me had i eat my dinner...
i told him havent...
he ask me faster go to eat...
although he look fierce...
but sound really sweet...
i am glad he always that care about me...
when i wanna start study...
he didnt forget to add oil for me...
feel warm...
got him be with me...
later before midnight...
he call and we talk about 15 minutes...
although he said dont want call me...
i tell me i need relax...
so we talk...
he told me what he doing today...
and then finally...
he said with me...
I LOVE YOU...
i can forget all my stress that moment...
so happy...
the last question i ask him was...
will him disappointed if i fail to get good result...
he said he wont...
he said i got try my best enough...
thank you for giving me such answer...
i feel really unstressful later went back study...
and lastly...
i would like to say that...
i am glad to be your love one...

worry about you~

why i call you twice you didnt pick up...
why you off your handphone after that...
i am worry about you...
you told me you wanna go pub do something...
i thought you will back before 12 o clock...
coz you said you wont that late come back...
i have send you two message to your both handphone...
why you never reply with the handphone without off...
where are you now...
i am really really worry...
i wait you three hours already...
have you back home?
or still at pub...
you know today i am really really happy...
we talk for a long long time phone...
just like before...
and before you go out...
he say many sweet word to me...
today is the most happy day for me...
since recently...
but then why you didnt tell me anything just let me wait you...
i not dare let you know i am always think nonsense thing...
coz you dont like...
i keep my feeling inside my heart...
you never know you do many thing also hurt me sometime...
coz you arent a very detail guy...
you dont know how girl feeling...
but i dont mind...
coz i love you love me and care me...
actually i am trusting you...
i know you wont do something wrong...
but just because too love you...
i will still worry...
hopefully you are not drunk...
God...
please bless us...
dear...
i am waiting your message...

Really really happy back already~

just now we talk again phone...
he just so nice to me...
i really lose to him...
whenever he being nice to me...
i will feel really really happy...
i am so easy get influence by him...
so...
just now to talk until 12 o clock sharp...
before we end up the phone...
he finally willing to say sweet sweet word to me...
feel really really sweet...
i got long long time didnt hear he say like that to me already...
just before that...
he ask me a question...
if he find another "lao po"...
how will i...
i feel so surprise with this question...
i told him i will leave him... he didnt say anything after that...
we change topic...
later i was alone...
i keep thinking why he ask me this question...
i feel so unsafety...
i wonder is it he really got another girlfriend...
i call him at one o clock...
we talk again for another 40 minutes...
and now he fall asleep...
i didnt end the call...
still can feel that he just by my side...
can hear his snoring sound...
well...
i ask him why just now he ask question like that...
he told me he just wanna play with me...
and see how will i respon...
yup...
is me think too much...
i ask him will him love another girl...
he said should be wont...
i trust him...
coz he really not a flower heart guy...
i make my heart calm down...
and feel much more better...
i most happy to hear he said one thing...
which is...
he said we surely will come to my house find me once i go back...
feel really really nice...
thanks dear...
you really light up my life now...
hope we will always that good...
and wish we could together...
forever...

Finally happy back~

Yeah...
i am finally happy back already...
suppose is last few days i think too much d...
today he call me again...
we talk about 40 minutes...
just normal talking...
one thing that i glad the most is...
we didnt end up argueing...
we didnt end up sadly...
although there is no sweet sweet word from him...
i know he dont like to say...
even he will said last time to me a lots...
all also he force himself said...
coz i keep asking him to say...
i am the girl who like to hear sweet word from my love one...
i still happy will the talk coz at least he will call me "lao po"...
and also will care me before the call end up...
thanks God...
i knew is a good sign...
i will always try my best to keep our relationship as well as before...
never give up...
good luck for myself...
cheer up...

Is another sad day~

i told myself this morning...
today must have a good mood...
but i fail to do that...
just because of him...
again...
and again...
i force myself not to think about those unhappy thing...
but just i cant...
something happen make me cant stop thinking...
same like last few days...
we didnt sms much and didnt talk much phone...
the first call made me happy...
second call gave me normal feeling...
the last call...
at night...
made me really down...
i dont know why recently the relation seem got changing...
he no longer sweet to me...
easy angry with any small mistake i done...
am i too sensitive...
or something really made it changing...
i really feel that he no longer love me that much as before...
he close the phone with anger...
i close the phone with tear...
i cant stop thinking...
and my tear cant stop dropping...
i wonder why like that...
is it impossible for someone make mistake inside the world of love?
is it unforgetable?
i am thinking what should i do at the future...
suppose i try not to care him that much?
or less contact with him?
let the time pass and put down him slowly?
i wish i could...
but i really love him...
i love him because he was treat me too well before...
i love him because he really love me a lots before...
maybe before i didnt love him that much...
and i didnt appreciate him enough...
but then now i wish to love him deeply...
and appreciate him...
together with him forever...
am i too late?
i wish i wont regret at the end of my life...
i know if he leave me...
i will really really sad...
and blame myself why i never appreciate him...
God...
could you please bless me one more time?
i didnt request much...
i just wish...
we can back to the time we just together...
that sweet...
that happy...
i hope i will never drop any single tear while together with him...
dear...
i wanna tell you...
i really really love you...

It just a normal day~

huuu...
one day pass again...
today we didnt much sms...
he said he dont want bother me study...
i dont really mind...
coz i really want to study hard...
then i tell him i no sms disturd him too...
in fact...
i know that he will sms with other people...
he dont like boring...
he less many hour didnt give me a single sms...
i am ok...
coz i trust him...
i study and do my own thing...
facebook+ing...
after i finish one chapter...
is about 11 o clock...
i remember i havent find him...
we talk a while phone...
he tell me he know a few girls...
and got sms with them...
he always that honest to me...
i feel really safety together with him...
today really didnt talk much phone and sms much...
feel really miss him suddenly...
i told him...
he always ask me to "guai guai"...
ya...
i want to become his good girlfriend...
never make him angry...
just because we didnt keep in touch much today...
and no sweet word from him...
i feel today just a normal day...
actually today noon...
he write a really long message to me...
it really bother my feeling...
i didnt reply him...
he thought i am angry or sad...
he call to "tam" back me...
i tell him i am ok...
haiz...
i know how he feel...
i know what he think also...
but that is my personality...
so hard to change...
i can just keep remind myself...
never keep request him...
i hope to see him happy also...
huuu...
i need to end up my normal day le...
hope tomorrow will be better...

I dont know how to describe my mood~

just now taking phone with him...
i didnt realize it took me about 2 hours...
we didnt talk must thing also...
but yet can hang so long time...
i felt moodless today...
maybe too stress...
i no pay enough conncentration to our conversation...
is my fault...
another reason i felt moodless is...
about that day...
we argue...
he ignore me...
i felt really really sad...
then i not dare have a good talk with him...
although we are nothing now...
coz he dont like talk about past and sad thing...
but finally...
i pick up my heart and i ask him to make me feel better...
so that i wont think nonsense...
i wonder why he angry me that much that day...
and that day...
i realized that i am really deeply love him...
i felt scare to lost him...
before...
i always said...
i dont mind if he leave me...
coz he always the one who love me more...
care me more...
maybe is these reason which make me not appreciate him...
but now i am awake...
he is really a good guy...
and i know i will never found a second guy like him...
i knew is my fault by made him angry that day...
luckily he forgive me now...
i am really glad...
he tell me he really wanna breakup with me already...
maybe the God bless us...
he finally keep his tempered...
and forgive me...
but then at the end i knew why he felt so angry...
and when i wanna closed up the topic...
he angry...
coz he said i always cant understand what he said...
he is furious...
and he shut down the phone said wont call me today anymore...
i felt really sad...
my tear drop...
i thought i will end up the night with my crying face...
and cant study anymore...
after 3 minutes...
he call...
he said sorry with me...
i am really happy that time...
glad too heard his voice...
and glad to we end up our call with a sweet word...
i would like to tell myself now...
i will appreciate him more today onward...
will not purposely argue with him...
and i dont want to have querall with him anymore...
i really love you...