Bad Memories~

18 February 2010...
i will surely remember this day...
this is the day you say break up with me...
you told me you dont like like the way we together...
which you find very hard to date me...
want go out with me i keep saying cannot...
i have to stay at home...
but then i go out with my schoolmate seem very easy...
you doubt that is it better to be my friend?
at least i can go out with friend but not boyfriend...
yes...
i admit...
the day i stay at home i really feel dont like to go out with you...
coz i dont want to lie my parents always...
and i feel so nervous when i tell lie and need to use a lots energy to find an excuse...
before i have my new year holiday...
i can predict there will be something happen with him...
coz he is so free during new year but i cant accompany him...
it seem like my prediction is correct...
i have use many excuse to reject his date...
not i dont want see him...
just i cant go out and have to stay at home...
the first time you date me was valentine's day...
you ask me go out for a movie...
but i said cannot...
i have to stay at home and maybe will go out with family...
you sound very disappointed...
and night...
you ask me again...
i said cannot too...
then the next day...
you ask me again...
i said i will go to m grandma house...
after that...
you less find me and date me d...
i also not dare to find you...
coz i scare you will date me again...
and i have no more excuse...
i have busy until third day and free at fourth day of new year...
i am waiting for your date...
but you didnt find me...
i know you are angry me...
coz we havent good back since last incident...
and that night...
i when to my form six gathering...
that night i meet you at auto city...
to hand you the handphone you give me...
there is some problem need to repair...
you look so angry that day...
i ask my friend who come along with me go back first...
and he fetch me back...
along the road...
we speak nothing...
the next day...
i know he no working...
i really plan to fid him out d...
i said i can go myself and no need you fetch...
but you said you go out with friend and say no need le...
i was disappointed...
that night...
you ask me whether want go out or not...
because it was night and i dont really want to go out at night...
i said cannot and dont want...
you ask me for three times total...
after that you said break up and turn off the handphone...
the moment i saw the message...
i feel my heart so pain...
i cant stop my tear to fall...
i keep write message to you explain and apologize...
later when you turn on back the phone...
i call you...
i want to speak clearly with you...
you keep saying the same problem with me...
which is our biggest problem...
we cannot open our relationship...
i said sorry with you and ask you hive me one more chance and i will tell my parents later...
but you said is too late...
you already said break up...
you said no use d...
you ask me whether tomorrow free or not...
you want find me and return anything mine to me...
i said i dont want see you...
but then you said you will take them to my friend...
and after that we will never meet and keep in touch...
you will chance all your number and wont let me find you...
you said you can only forget me if you do like that and it is the fastest way...
i keep ask you dont do like that and it was too cruel to me...
you never listen because you are stubborn...
this is the first time i cry that serious with you...
i was non-stop crying while talking with you...
i forget how long we talk...
later you tell me you feel so down today and want to go out have a drive...
you straightl drive toward my house...
you ask me to accompany you for two night...
you want to keep a memory...
but then i say i will go your house next wednesday...
att first you dont allow...
but at the end you say ok...
but you still ask me to accompany you tonight...
i think that moment is about 2 o clock something...
you reach my house...
dont know why today i feel want to bring you home overnight...
we talk phone while waiting my brother sleep...
while you waiting...
you sound like not angry me anymore and like forgive me d...
we talk softly and i have stop crying...
i remember that day i cry until my eyes 肿 and feel very headache...
you keep ask me how am i and care me...
we talk until 4.30am...
my brother sleep...
i open my house door and let you come in...
this is your first time come in my house...
in my room...
you apologize with me and treat me so good...
you said you know i really very love you...
you said you will never argue that problem with me anymore...
you said you very happy can come into my house and my room...
we sleep together and we leave tomorrow morning to your house...
we finally back to our happy moment and nothing problem among us...
is really thanks God for blessing us...
and the important thing is...
i know you still love with me and never feel want to break up with me...
just because of the problem you cant hold on...
lastly...
i hope we can happily together forever and ever...
i really really LOVE you...

I Am Believe In You~

arent we so good today from beginning?

why it change at the night...

why you misunderstand what i write to you...

i still not understand what cause you think me like that...

you warn me not to disturb your friend...

but since when i got disturb?

i really no...

i call you to explain...

but you seem lazy talk with me...

you said talk with me later...

later you call...

i didnt pick up...

you write a lengthy sms for me...

you said actually you call me also dont know want to say what with me...

you said i did something you hate the most...

you said i still your friend handphone number and talk nonsense with them...

you said i not believe in you...

you said if like that we better break up...

the moment i saw the message...

i would really want to cry out...

i control myself...

feel wanna find a place no people saw me only cry out...

later i call you and try to explain...

is your turn dont want answer...

maybe you are asleep...

i am so scare...

i dont know what i said make you think like that...

such a big misunderstand...

i type a message to you...

i said i never do those thing...

and never think to do that...

i know he dont like...

of course i wont do that...

until now you still dont know what kind of person i am...

yet i know you that much...

i ask him to believe me...

and i swear with him...

if i really did that...

he can break up with me...

i cry along the time typing the message...

i sad why he dont believe me...

i sad why he misunderstand me...

i sad why he said those hurting word...

i have explain to him everything...

i hope he can listen...

i will wait...

until he listen in...

hope tomorrow he will not angry anymore...

God bless me...

PLEASE...

I Want Back Our Sweet Moment~

this is the first time i stay here and didnt go back find him...
since tuesday...
we have not much close with each other...
he have been so busy...
and i am busy with my class and outing with friends...
even today i am so free d...
he want to relax and play his game...
he prefer do his own thing rather than spend time accompany me...
i wonder what happen to our relationship...
he become cold to me as last time after we argue...
i dont know what should i do eventually...
only way is to let him...
and i find my own thing to do...
find my friends to chat...
or find friends to go out...
someone told me before...
guy wont appreciate when the girl treat him too good or too close with him...
i admit it is a fact...
so...
i am trying now not to close with him...
he want his alone time...
i give him...
i trust he will miss me some other day...
i have to wait for two more weeks in order to see him...
it is our promise...
i will wait the day come patiently...
and give him the present i buy for him...
i cant wait to give him...
hope he will happy to see it...
honestly...
i am very miss him now...
i hope we can have the happy moment back...
although i know he doesnt mean not love me even he less contact with me...
but i still prefer he close with me everyday every moment...
dear...
can you understand my feeling?

Back To Normal Life~

i have stop spend my time at blog for one month...
finally i back to here...
write down my feeling inside my deep heart...
i am having my school life now...
glad...
i can back to my normal life...
which i can see him every week and spend a weekend time with him...
he seem happy also when i back to his side...
indeed we cant meet a lots when holiday...
pity...
well...
two weeks have past...
i spend two weekends at his place...
from wednesday until friday...
so good and happy...
everyday with him...
is third week now...
i cant back to his place...
coz have a date with my friend...
but he is busy with his relative funeral matter too...
he stop finding me for two days...
and even shut up his phone...
but i didnt angry and worry...
he told me before he busy...
i will wait for his sms again...
and hope can see him very soon...
i miss you dear...

Is Time To Give Up?

i am so tired...
yesterday sleepless...
i sleep at five o clock...
talking phone with one good person...
he always accompany me when i am sad...
he told me a lots what he know...
he share his experience with me...
although my stubborn made him mad sometime...
he still accompany me...
i ask him should i give up...
i ask him what should i do...
i ask him am i very silly...
i ask him must i do like that...
i ask him many many question...
and even told him a lot of my story...
he said i shouldnt treat him that good...
he said i mustnt keep finding him...
he said i must wait for him to find me...
i know his opinion is good for me...
he always try his best to solve my problems...
but i am doubt about myself...
can i really do like that...
i think mostly i cant...
i am really really love him...
i dont want he leave me...
i dont want my life without him...
can he really feel what i want?
i will wait for him...
i will no give up...
i will love him...
FOREVER...

Its How Many Time Get Hurt?

why you still cant truely know what i think...
and still want argue with me...
we have been together for 7 months...
not a short time...
you cant feel that i am jealous?
i just dont want you call her...
i dont want you treat her no matter how you feel uncomfortable with her word yesterday...
do you know you got how long never call me?
do you know you have neglected me for how long time?
i have been try my best to suit myself with your busy life...
why your first call so far is to her...
have you think how my feeling?
maybe you call someone not close with me i dont mind that much...
but you call her...
she is my best friend...
i mind you become closer with my best friend...
if i am there i really ok...
but i told you i dont want go out today already...
why you still want call her and ask her out?
is it if she said ok then you will go out alone with her?
luckily she didnt say ok...
if not...
i cant imaging how hurt my heart will be...
i understand what kind of person you are...
but did you know what kind of person i am?
why you must take that serious with her simply said word?
last time you said you want treat her...
i accept that reason and i treat...
but today's poor reason is really unacceptable...
she just simply said want ask you treat...
then you want to call her and go out eat with her alone?
have you ever think about my feeling if you really go out with her alone?
today is our 7 months anniversary...
why we must argue at today...
and yet is because of my best friend...
please try to understand how i feel...
not that easy going with just telling me what you going to do, doing and did...
i hate heart broken feel...
i hate keep crying because of you...
i hate everytime we argue then i have to cry alone...
i thought we can together happily...
we already have less time to contact...
how come still got time to argue...
please dont always is me who tolerate...
do you know the more i tolerate...
the more i get hurt...
i love you very very much...
so i always did my best to keep our relationship on...
have you try your best?
i hope someday you are...

Refresh My Memories~

it just five days ago...
but this five days...
i keep thinking about him and our date...
so sweet and happy...
14 december 2009...
you didnt go to work...
but come to find me...
bring me to KFC...
so happy can have lunch together...
with you...
after lunch...
we went shopping and for movie...
can holding your hand walk around for window shopping...
feel sweet and happy...
can let you hug when watch something...
feel warm and surprise...
3.45pm reach...
we move to cinema...
for our storm rider II...
we sit at the couple sit...
watch movie together...
really really touching...
we have been so busy recently...
long time no spend time for a movie together...
i apprecaite the time at cinema...
sit just beside you...
holding your hand...
hugging each other...
is 5.45pm...
the movie end...
i follow him go back his house...
i accompany him whole night at his place...
we talk many things...
long time didnt chatting...
he is quite busy lately...
i miss a close talk time with him...
and glad i have it today...
is 11.15pm...
he send me back home...
he drive very slowly...
maybe we both also not willing to separate soon...
finally reach my home...
he said is late and danger...
keep saying want to send me back until my house...
really touching for his caring...
we end up our date with a hug and goodbye kiss...
i walk back to my house...
he walk back toward his car...
i am really really happy for that day date...
thanks dear...
i wish for another swwet date...