心情好像跌到谷底～

十一月十八日早上八点五十分。。。

一早睡醒看不见你昨晚答应发给我的信息感觉好生气。。。

你又爽约了。。。

发了一封信息给你。。。

告诉你我在生气。。。

你立刻就打回电话给我问什么事。。。

虽然还是生气但是看到电话的那一刻好开心。。。

我告诉你我生气的原因就是你没有做到答应我的事情发信息给我临睡前。。。

你说对不起还解释给我听。。。

听到你说你没有去做工和昨晚乱花钱我突然好生气。。。

就说了你几句骂你不会想。。。

你也被我给惹毛然后把电话挂了。。。

你发了封信息给我说最近你一直好怕我。。。

叫我这几天不要发信息给你。。。

说你要时间休息。。。

我知道我闯祸了。。。

我真不该惹你生气因为那是我最害怕的事情。。。

我想你道歉可是却没用。。。

换来你一句冷冷的话。。。

你说我再发信息给你你就把电话关了。。。

我顿时整个心都寒了。。。

忍不住自己的眼泪流了好久好久。。。

真的好难过好伤心。。。

我最后为了不让自己在打扰你就把电话关了。。。

两天过去了。。。

我一封信息也不敢发给你。。。

当然也没有收到你的信息。。。

四十八小时过了。。。

我提起勇气发了一封信息给你。。。

告诉你我好想念你。。。

但我好像只是在对空气说。。。

没有回应。。。

六十个小时过去了。。。

我又发了两封信息给你。。。

同样的还是没有回复。。。

我的心还是很痛。。。

七十二个小时过去了。。。

我又发了两封信息给你。。。

又是等不到你的回复。。。

现在是第八十四个小时。。。

我是不是要放弃了。。。

我是不是该死心了。。。

我真的好累。。。

总是被你影响我的情绪。。。

我越来越没有我自己了。。。

今天在想一个问题。。。

单身是不是会更好。。。

我不懂。。。

因为我很喜欢你。。。

我不知道没有你以后的日子会不会过得很好。。。

所以我没有勇气把分开两个字说出来。。。

但是我有心理准备你把分手两个字说出来了。。。

我会等你。。。

等你的答案。。。

只是。。。

我希望你的答案。。。

是一句我爱你。。。

A Happy Trip To Pulau Pangkor~

3 May to 5 May...
i spend three days happily with him for after exam vacation...
when i was still in exam week...
he told me he will bring me to a vacation after m exam...
i was really happy...
coz i was stress enough for the exam...
and finally can have a good relax time...
although this trip is not just our two people...
but still very happy we can play together...
3 May 2010 morning 8 am...
he come to fetch me at my home...
then go to his friend house to fetch his friend...
after that we move to jetty...
that day luck no good...
we buy 9 am bus ticket...
but after our breakfast...
is 9.05 am...
before we can reach the bus...
the bus pass in front of us...
we miss it...
without choice...
he drive the car to lumut jetty...
without preparation and car service...
we dont know the road...
watch signboard along the road...
after 3 hours we finally reach...
we bought ship ticket and book resort...
after 15 minutes...
we reach...
we rent motor and heading to our resort...
after having a bath we go out have a turn and find something to eat...
we find a kopitiam and order their Wantan Mee and Keow Teow Goreng...
cook by chinese and the Keow Teow is yummy...
this is my first time to Pulau Pangkor...
it has a beautiful sea scene...
is just a small island...
with not much entertainment...
but i like it because he is beside me...
we decided not to play anything today...
just drive around to see see and know the road...
is it very funny to say that we go to Pulau Pangkor and visit there Cyber Cafe?
ya we are to boring and we surf net at there...
the resort owner tell us we can have BBQ at outside our room...
so after that we bought some beer sausage fishball and chicken wings as our dinner...
i am the only girl with them...
so i help them deal with those chicken wing...
although the owner help us wash d...
but to seasoning them...
i do the job and it was my first time touch uncook chicken...
and then we start our BBQ night...
i was happy with them...
talking and eating amd drinking...
is 10 pm something...
i feel tired and went back to room rest...
but the food still not finish...
the two big guy talking eating chatting to finish them slowly...
midnight we end up our first day trip and back to our room sleep...

Many Things Happen Lately~

i just realized i have 3 months didnt spend time at here...
April was busying my final test...
May happen a lots sad things and working...
while June...
consider free now...
just wanna write down everything i remember which happenned among the time...
think i will spend a lots time a here today onward...
i have long time didnt go out with my friends...
last month after that incident i went to have a part time job...
now only resign...
and after resign...
everyday i hide myself inside my room...
just dont feel wanna to go out from my room...
dont feel wanna communicate with everyone inside my house...
and even some of my friends...
dont know why...
just feel lack of energy...
i hope the time pass faster...
i wanna leave this home...
and back to my study...
i tell myself hold on...
just one month left...
i know the time will pass soon...
as i watch movie from day to night...
what a boring life...
i have one month didnt talk with my parents...
i dont want talk to them a single word...
i also dont want to hear their voice beside my ears...
is suffering to hear them keep mentioning the incident...
like the incident never over and they never forget or put down...
that is why i feel want to run away from this house...
i find a part time job...
work from morning 7 to night 7...
back home also tired d...
so i no need to care about them...
for me...
my house is just a place for me to sleep...
i dont like this kind of living...
i also dont want think like that...
just...
from that day...
everything change...
our family relationship had become negative...
i will not improve it and it will also never improve...
i prefer become the stranger inside this home...
whenever you all still talk about this matter...
then i will be like that...
ignoring...
i hate people keep talking the same thing i dont like beside my ear...
if i want to hear...
you say one time i will hear...
the more you say...
the more i hate you all...
this is my attitude that you all never know...
i really dont want to pass life like this anymore...
please...
let go me and time pass faster...
i want to leave...
once i back to school...
i wont back until sem break...

I Know You Worried~

do you know everyday i feel want to see your sms that much?
ya...
i know you always worried about me...
as you told me before...
the things you care me that much is...
first, my education...
second, have i eat...
third, have i bath...
fourth, have i do homework...
fifth, have i rest...
i know everytime i tell you i got exam or homework...
you will always give me the same respond...
you will surely said...
"i dont want sms you first, wait you finish le only sms with you"...
dont you know that if i really need to study hard i will automatically didnt reply you?
sometime i study until so tired and boring...
really wish you can send me a sms to cheer me up...
but you always that stubborn...
you said you wont keep back anything you said...
haiz...
i really hope you know what i want sometime...
i know you worry me...
you scare you will make my result worse...
or maybe cause me cant graduate...
then you cant married me...
i remember everything you told me...
but i wont tell you what i think...
coz i wont get the think i want from you...
coz you said you really worried about me...
well...
nevermind...
i have suit myself with your behavior...
at least you are for my own good...
i appreciate...
thanks...

I Will Do For You~

got one thing i keep forget to write down...
is a very important thing in my life...
after that day you said you wanna break up with me...
at the end you keep back your word...
i promised you i will tell my parents about our relationship...
i will bring you go to my house...
it was 21 of February...
is the last day of my new year holiday...
and i promised you i will bring you to my house that day...
and tell my parents you will fetch me back hostel...
is 2.30pm...
you reach my house...
as you promise me...
you have a hair cut and dress proper...
i am so scare at first...
but then i tell myself if i didnt say now, i will need to say it later too...
why not i brave a bit and bring him go to my house...
he just in front my door...
i knew once i bring him inside...
he will very happy and never argue with him with the same problem...
once i go inside my door...
i tell my mom, "he fetch me go back"...
my mom look a bit not happy at first...
but then maybe she saw got him there...
she no scold me...
later he sit at living room...
my dad come in and saw him too...
they talk a few words...
my mom ask him wanna have a drink and give him a drink...
later my mom give him an angpao...
after 5 minute...
i am packing done and we leave...
the moment i sit at his car...
i feel glad...
luckily my parents no scold me...
maybe they think he just my friend...
but i dont care...
at least i had done whatever i promise you...
you are the first boyfriend who see my parents and talk to my parents...
no others...
i will d anything for you...
just to let you happy...
to write down here...
as my memory...
is a meaningful and special day...
it prove to you how much i love you...

Whats Wrong With Me~

i wonder why i always write down my sad sorry at my blog...
and so less write about something happy...
dont know whats wrong with me...
today feel so miss you...
maybe this few days we less chat and sms...
you said you dont want reply me until my exam over...
after my exam your turn to busy...
and next day i am busy with my whole day class...
you said after class only find you...
this week cannot go to your house...
sad...
but glad you promise me will find me at sunday...
i am so eager for the day coming...
i miss you so much...
today is the 299 days we have been togethered...
one more day then reach 300 days d...
i wonder the time past so fast...
i still remember the day we know each other...
and the day we together...
i was touching that day you said you want to tell me a real story...
in fact you are telling me our story...
you can remember every detail at that day we together...
is 16 of May 2009...
we had pass together the Mooncake festival, Christmas, my birthday New Year...
Valentine day, your birthday and Chinese New Year, Dong Zhi so sad i cant by your side...
sorry...
i promise i will by your side next year and also the following year...
one thing i would like to say thank you to you is...
thanks for your valentine gift...
the phone you give me i am really really happy and surprise...
i just realize you can do that much for me...
i know you really love and care me in your heart...
thanks dear...
MUACKS...

Again And Again~

5 of march...
the second day with you...
we were so good at the beginning...
but at that afternoon...
i mada you angry again...
ya i my fault...
i mistakenly said something...
and burn up your tempered...
i was no heart...
i just worried about you...
maybe the word i said sound selfish...
i can feel it later i was alone...
i blame myself...
you just put me aside after reach your home...
i just follow you go inside your house at the back...
you never stop waiting me and turn back looked at me...
you hide yourself under a pillow at a corner of your bed...
i was alone at another side...
i cry suddenly...
even i had cry while inside the car...
due to you scold me...
i was upset...
i cry beside you...
you just ignore me...
i cant hold on anymore and run to bathroom take a bath to cold down...
i spend about half hour inside bathroom...
just let the shower head spray out water toward my head...
my tear mix with the water...
cant separate...
after i calm down i go out...
back to your room...
you just plan to go out...
you ask me stay at your house and study...
you just leave...
after you go out not long time...
i send you an apologize message...
and i keep my sadness and start my assignment...
about ten o clock...
you come back a while...
before you leave again...
you look not angry le...
you call me and ask me study...
i am happy that moment...
later your sister ask me to call you see whether you want to eat supper or not...
i call you and you really pick up...
i ask you thing and you answer me normally...
i know you no angry me d...
later twelve o clock you come back...
i wait you come back only eat together...
once you enter the room you already come to my side...
i feel sweet...
later you serve me eat and prepare everything at the table...
i feel happier...
and the rest of the day...
i not dare mention about that again...
we end up our date happily until sunday...
i use to tell myself before that i will never make you angry anymore...
i was really no heart to make you angry...
sorry dear...
i will learn from this lesson...
i love you...

Bad Memories~

18 February 2010...
i will surely remember this day...
this is the day you say break up with me...
you told me you dont like like the way we together...
which you find very hard to date me...
want go out with me i keep saying cannot...
i have to stay at home...
but then i go out with my schoolmate seem very easy...
you doubt that is it better to be my friend?
at least i can go out with friend but not boyfriend...
yes...
i admit...
the day i stay at home i really feel dont like to go out with you...
coz i dont want to lie my parents always...
and i feel so nervous when i tell lie and need to use a lots energy to find an excuse...
before i have my new year holiday...
i can predict there will be something happen with him...
coz he is so free during new year but i cant accompany him...
it seem like my prediction is correct...
i have use many excuse to reject his date...
not i dont want see him...
just i cant go out and have to stay at home...
the first time you date me was valentine's day...
you ask me go out for a movie...
but i said cannot...
i have to stay at home and maybe will go out with family...
you sound very disappointed...
and night...
you ask me again...
i said cannot too...
then the next day...
you ask me again...
i said i will go to m grandma house...
after that...
you less find me and date me d...
i also not dare to find you...
coz i scare you will date me again...
and i have no more excuse...
i have busy until third day and free at fourth day of new year...
i am waiting for your date...
but you didnt find me...
i know you are angry me...
coz we havent good back since last incident...
and that night...
i when to my form six gathering...
that night i meet you at auto city...
to hand you the handphone you give me...
there is some problem need to repair...
you look so angry that day...
i ask my friend who come along with me go back first...
and he fetch me back...
along the road...
we speak nothing...
the next day...
i know he no working...
i really plan to fid him out d...
i said i can go myself and no need you fetch...
but you said you go out with friend and say no need le...
i was disappointed...
that night...
you ask me whether want go out or not...
because it was night and i dont really want to go out at night...
i said cannot and dont want...
you ask me for three times total...
after that you said break up and turn off the handphone...
the moment i saw the message...
i feel my heart so pain...
i cant stop my tear to fall...
i keep write message to you explain and apologize...
later when you turn on back the phone...
i call you...
i want to speak clearly with you...
you keep saying the same problem with me...
which is our biggest problem...
we cannot open our relationship...
i said sorry with you and ask you hive me one more chance and i will tell my parents later...
but you said is too late...
you already said break up...
you said no use d...
you ask me whether tomorrow free or not...
you want find me and return anything mine to me...
i said i dont want see you...
but then you said you will take them to my friend...
and after that we will never meet and keep in touch...
you will chance all your number and wont let me find you...
you said you can only forget me if you do like that and it is the fastest way...
i keep ask you dont do like that and it was too cruel to me...
you never listen because you are stubborn...
this is the first time i cry that serious with you...
i was non-stop crying while talking with you...
i forget how long we talk...
later you tell me you feel so down today and want to go out have a drive...
you straightl drive toward my house...
you ask me to accompany you for two night...
you want to keep a memory...
but then i say i will go your house next wednesday...
att first you dont allow...
but at the end you say ok...
but you still ask me to accompany you tonight...
i think that moment is about 2 o clock something...
you reach my house...
dont know why today i feel want to bring you home overnight...
we talk phone while waiting my brother sleep...
while you waiting...
you sound like not angry me anymore and like forgive me d...
we talk softly and i have stop crying...
i remember that day i cry until my eyes 肿 and feel very headache...
you keep ask me how am i and care me...
we talk until 4.30am...
my brother sleep...
i open my house door and let you come in...
this is your first time come in my house...
in my room...
you apologize with me and treat me so good...
you said you know i really very love you...
you said you will never argue that problem with me anymore...
you said you very happy can come into my house and my room...
we sleep together and we leave tomorrow morning to your house...
we finally back to our happy moment and nothing problem among us...
is really thanks God for blessing us...
and the important thing is...
i know you still love with me and never feel want to break up with me...
just because of the problem you cant hold on...
lastly...
i hope we can happily together forever and ever...
i really really LOVE you...

I Am Believe In You~

arent we so good today from beginning?

why it change at the night...

why you misunderstand what i write to you...

i still not understand what cause you think me like that...

you warn me not to disturb your friend...

but since when i got disturb?

i really no...

i call you to explain...

but you seem lazy talk with me...

you said talk with me later...

later you call...

i didnt pick up...

you write a lengthy sms for me...

you said actually you call me also dont know want to say what with me...

you said i did something you hate the most...

you said i still your friend handphone number and talk nonsense with them...

you said i not believe in you...

you said if like that we better break up...

the moment i saw the message...

i would really want to cry out...

i control myself...

feel wanna find a place no people saw me only cry out...

later i call you and try to explain...

is your turn dont want answer...

maybe you are asleep...

i am so scare...

i dont know what i said make you think like that...

such a big misunderstand...

i type a message to you...

i said i never do those thing...

and never think to do that...

i know he dont like...

of course i wont do that...

until now you still dont know what kind of person i am...

yet i know you that much...

i ask him to believe me...

and i swear with him...

if i really did that...

he can break up with me...

i cry along the time typing the message...

i sad why he dont believe me...

i sad why he misunderstand me...

i sad why he said those hurting word...

i have explain to him everything...

i hope he can listen...

i will wait...

until he listen in...

hope tomorrow he will not angry anymore...

God bless me...

PLEASE...

I Want Back Our Sweet Moment~

this is the first time i stay here and didnt go back find him...
since tuesday...
we have not much close with each other...
he have been so busy...
and i am busy with my class and outing with friends...
even today i am so free d...
he want to relax and play his game...
he prefer do his own thing rather than spend time accompany me...
i wonder what happen to our relationship...
he become cold to me as last time after we argue...
i dont know what should i do eventually...
only way is to let him...
and i find my own thing to do...
find my friends to chat...
or find friends to go out...
someone told me before...
guy wont appreciate when the girl treat him too good or too close with him...
i admit it is a fact...
so...
i am trying now not to close with him...
he want his alone time...
i give him...
i trust he will miss me some other day...
i have to wait for two more weeks in order to see him...
it is our promise...
i will wait the day come patiently...
and give him the present i buy for him...
i cant wait to give him...
hope he will happy to see it...
honestly...
i am very miss him now...
i hope we can have the happy moment back...
although i know he doesnt mean not love me even he less contact with me...
but i still prefer he close with me everyday every moment...
dear...
can you understand my feeling?

Back To Normal Life~

i have stop spend my time at blog for one month...
finally i back to here...
write down my feeling inside my deep heart...
i am having my school life now...
glad...
i can back to my normal life...
which i can see him every week and spend a weekend time with him...
he seem happy also when i back to his side...
indeed we cant meet a lots when holiday...
pity...
well...
two weeks have past...
i spend two weekends at his place...
from wednesday until friday...
so good and happy...
everyday with him...
is third week now...
i cant back to his place...
coz have a date with my friend...
but he is busy with his relative funeral matter too...
he stop finding me for two days...
and even shut up his phone...
but i didnt angry and worry...
he told me before he busy...
i will wait for his sms again...
and hope can see him very soon...
i miss you dear...